How did this begin? My mother and I had wanted to donate a sum of money to Changi Hospital because my father's last days there was so peaceful and serene. In fact, he didn't want to go home, until he was well again. Through our communications with the hospital following my father's passing, we knew they needed funds for youth mental health outreach. We made a $200,000 donation in my father's name. The hospital arranged for Lianhe Zaobao to write about it. They included a candid picture that I took for my father a few months before his passing. It was a rare picture that caught him smiling.
As life would have it, I was diagnosed with clinical anxiety two years after his passing. I always knew I had a different threshold for anxiety from others, but it was still a surprise to be given a diagnosis after just one session. I was at an offsite activity for work and a speaker was blasting near my seat and I began to shut down with a throbbing headache and nauseousness. As I made for home, there I was, in a daze, near my own backyard, in an MRT station full of people with luggage, and not knowing where I was. A colleague later told me to quickly see a psychiatrist, and made arrangements for a doctor to see me a few days after the incident. The public Institute of Mental Health needed an eight-month wait.
The doctor diagnosed that my condition was likely inborn, and had deteriorated over the years due to work incompatibility and poor coping mechanism. Up to that point, I only had one coping mechanism: endure to fit in. As a start, the doctor advised me to voice out when I am not feeling well. Most people I know rose to the occasion and were encouraging and supportive. Today, they trust me to make my own adjustments without compromising on my work delivery, or other activities.
But some were hurtful. I was talked down to: seen as a spoilsport, a pathetic loser, or anything in between. This was harder to endure than the condition itself. Yet some others suggested that the condition was nothing, because they too, were feeling anxious or stressed. I am not sure why people 'volunteer' for such things but I would be the first to get out of it if I could. The paralyzing feeling of senseless impending doom; an endless fall into darkness is not something I wish on my enemies. The opportunity costs of living with such a condition is huge.
This is why I am proud of my family's support for this youth mental health outreach initiative by Changi Hospital. It is so important to spread awareness, and I would be a direct beneficiary of their work! My mother and I have pledged our entire estate to the cause upon our passing. With my investing project doing well, I am now planning to start a giving arrangement at a scheduled frequency for the rest of my life to bring forward my support for this cause that is so personally close to me. I am planning for this to commence in 2028. wish me luck!
